Hey, yesterday had been a day I wont forgot, for actully night literally. I had a long long long long long time since I had a nice chat with this particular long lost friend of mine. (actually I lost this friend and not she lost me) we talked about so much things and all it started was a simple hello! I really have to say a big sorry to her cause I neglected this friend to fulfill a tremendous task. Now that this task is already fulfilled, maybe I should now seek to put my pieces of life around me back again. Well yesterday was already the first step!!! Hey got this warm fuzzy feeling eh? We talked about so much, about how have we been doing and so much about our thoughts during that whole time I was serving the country, no wait, the school? Hey no, the band. Hehe. So yea. Anyway, after we had our chat, I remember that she gave me a card after my April 17th judgment, and that card is about encouragement eh. Haha, warm fuzzy feeling again!!! Hey it is really proven, people of the opposite gender can be really close friends eh! Looking forward to Christmas and grad night!! And to her, hey, those were the time and it will still be!!!!

Today wasn’t a very good day to me. I almost got into a fight……. Those malay bastards was playing cards at me area and I kindly asked them to go to their place to continue playing. Bloody hell, they got the cheek to ask me to shut up and get lost. Man! I kept quiet and hold my temper and asked again. This time they ignore me. Too long have I gave way to them, ever since last year they were making fun of me for any stupid reason. Things that are not suppose to be funny they can make a joke out of it and get everyone to laugh with them. That is something I don’t understand, why do they keep picking on me?....... I gave them their way all this while was reason being I have a reputation to keep for the band as well as my own. But now, hack care!! I’ve stepped down, I’m graduating in 3 weeks time. Then of course I scolded back, those people hurled vulgar languages at me, God Dammit, I speak Hokkien you bloody son of a *****. I think what you people said, most of the time you don’t know the meaning! The argument intensified and in a fit of anger I threw the cards on the table away, and one of that idiots challenge me to a fight. Ha! Like as if he can win. I trained martial arts for years, I am fitter than him, stronger than him and I am so sure I can give him hell if he had lay a finger on me. Good thing his equally intellectual EQ challenged friends pulled him away, knowing I have a reputation in school and they will lose out in terms of favor with the discipline Dept if they touched me. Of course I am not stupid. Knowing I have this edge of having integrity in words I say, and also being as pissed at that time, I challenged him back, trying so hard to make him do the first move at me…. Man….remember the days in primary school where I fought so often with people like drinking tea, I had a notorious temper when I was in primary school, often offended people and getting into fights. Last time, I had little to care for, I was a nobody in school, who cares if I knock someone teeth out. But in secondary school, joined the band, had to control myself a lot. If there’s temper I must keep it in and then later let it all out when I go to my karate lessons. But today was the peak, im tired of giving way, tired on being the outcast of everything, tired of looking at that bloody faces of theirs. Maybe I was itching for a fight too, might also be my fault. But today I will remember as the day I almost gave hell to a bloody gangster . If the next time im not wearing my school uniform anymore and they provoke me again. I make sure I make them pay back on what they have done to me for the last 2 years in school.
But come to think again, maybe the reason I was picked on was that I’m always the outcast of things, the loner, the “extra” they might put it. Only Band member in class, also happen to be the Drum Major, The only male councilor in class too. Never joined at cliques of friends in class, never talked much to another one except when needed. Of course people will single me out and make fun of me. I like being alone, but people take advantage of that and oppress me by numbers. They think that I am the extra one when everyone are doing the same thing. So little people know how is it like to be alone. They don’t understand. No constrain, no need to think if anyone likes the things you do, you can go anywhere you want without the need to ask anyone about their opinions and all . I like this life. I was like that when I was in sec1, because I became a major in band, then I start to mix around. Now that band had ended, I am going back to my old self again, kind of missed it. Of course I did try to stay with my band people, but I felt that I got nothing in common to say to them, likewise, they would all talk among themselves. Even if I were to walk away just like that, they wouldn’t care a bit ( I tried it a few times). Maybe it was not meant to be. He who must do great things must not be tied down my emotions. Maybe that’s true. You joined band, gave all your life and time to band. At the end of it, when band is gone and you come out of that shell, you realize that anything around you has no purpose anymore. You are alone…..when you see your old bunch of friends sitting at a table talking, laughing, you want to join them, as you walk ahead you stopped in your tracks. You realized you were inconsequential. It didn’t matter If you were there or not, there were having fun all the same. Then you turn around and sit at one corner. Before you know it, school’s over and that’s the end of a day. Well, if that’s how life is to me, I am sure there will be a meaning behind it to which one day I shall unravel. Till then, maybe I should take things as they come and finish my Os. At least now I’m sure nobody read this…….But, its good, at least I feel better now, maybe I am still human after all!!

Alrite here I am again typing stuff down which I feel like doing, say, blogging is actually a good way of reliving your stress if you got no one to talk to. Of course, don’t start swearing and cursing at people cause that’s not very nice. Haha. Some people learnt that lesson the hard way ya?? Say just read people’s blog about love this, love that. Haha, somewhat I don’t really feel good when I see it or hear it. I don’t know, maybe feelings are something that I feel is weak, even love or sadness, missing someone, depression, all this I feel are what makes a person weak and vulnerable. Or course with the exception of happy of anger, cause this feelings are somewhat “hot” unlike the subtle feelings felt as said earlier. Every time I watch a touching movie or those charity shows where they make you feel all pitying, I would for some reason turn the channel away to something else. Maybe I dun like to feel that kind of feeling. My short stint of that “incident” during the june holidays were not a very much memorable one to me. Which further proves my personal dislike ness of such things happening. I hear people say, ‘why love is so hard?’ Why love is so painful?’ so on and so forth. For some, they give they sympathy to these people, but for me, I know it might offend many people but I despise these people, especially if they are of same age as me or older then me only by a little. Worse still, those kids who are younger than me. It is true that age do not determine the maturity factor for some, so I am commenting as in general here. If One thinks one is mature enough to comprehend the word “love” then by all means go ahead and use it, live it. If not then its my blessings to you. Haha I even wonder if anyone read all these!!!

Its been a long long time since i last blog. Was busy for my prelims. Say, i am wondering if anyone actually comes here to read all this stuff i wrote? providing the fact i did go around telling people about this blog ya? Whatever the case, it is of no concern to me. I guess my life is simple without much going happening except band and studies and for hobby, martial arts. Come to think of it, i sort of realiesd that i actually had a huge fear of something. No im not afraid to die. If one day my life have served its purpose then so be it. I am more of afraid of being used in the past tense, to be forgotten. Maybe tommorow, i get knocked down by a car and pass on, what would people say of me?? Most probably, "Gim kai was this", "Gim Kai was that" and then as part of a cycle,becomes a memory and then finally forgotten. Then somebody would most probably take the my place in people's mind. Maybe a new friend, whoever it maybe. Then all that you achieve in life becomes naught and your body returns to earth as what would be in a crude manner, fertilizers for the grass to grow! Haha, all this sound so depressing!! Never mind since i guess people dont read of what i write so i guess it doesnt matter much does it? Kinda read boss blog and the other blog MW and he wrote, it kinda left me thinking ya? How much does friends worth around you? No, not a numerical figure, it means the placing in your heart on others. similarly, how much are you worth to them? Its kinda hard to find buddies who share the ame interest as you, think the same way as you, and also guard your back while you guard his-mutual protection. Sure you have met many people in your life, made many friends, maybe better, you made a gang of close buddies. Do things together, stay together in school or outside, so on and so foth. I have seen people desprately trying to find a group and trying do hard to fit in, yet knowing it is futile. Haha, food for thoughts here!!! alrite so i end here, will blog soon again cause i got a hunch some things might happen soon! Bye (to myself and whoever is reading this)

For everything there is a season
,And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born,
and a time to die;
A time to plant,
and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep,
and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek,
and a time to lose;
A time to keep,
and a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
and a time to speak;
A time to love,
and a time to hate,
A time for war,
and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

hahahaha, i did smthing crazy today, i go barber cut my hair and guess wat i asked the uncle to shave my hair!!! The uncle was like, "you sure or not?" "i going to cut already!" "confirm ar?" haha, i say okok lar, just go and cut it!! this hairstly sure feels great, the wind blow can feel ar, the water can also feel ar, i tink everyone should go and cut!!! damm shiok!!

Hmmm.....well, smtihng caught my eyes just now, or rather reminded me, and that is the influence that people have over others....well.....some of you out there might think that you are so small, so insignificant to have an impact on others or maybe even influence their minds (even me) and because of that you do things rather insensitively...hmmm..or sometimes you do or say things and unitentionaly affect ppl around you. Thats rather common i must say, but each of us must keep in mind that what words we say or things we do might seemed inconsequential to us, but it might be a whole world to others ya?? I never really believed in that even i knew it exsisted untill just now. So a mesage to others, be mindful of what you say and have a heart to others, you might never know when will someone say a word so powerful that it will affect your puny little lives forever

well, im typing tis at wat....2am in the morning so im abit cranky, wrong spelling might occur so bare with me.....just read ruby 's blog just now and i must say tt its really gd to hear tt she had such emotions overwealming her when she was on stage...hmmm. wat can i say, such feelings are so hard to come by, ppl might even only exprience it once in their lifetime, the last time i had emtions running in my veins was this year(syf 2004) and before tt was wat....pri6(syf 2000) 4 years apart to feel it for 5mins...haha..okok...i woke up at 5 tis mornig, at my breakfast at 6 behind sch and had my last parade today...okok blah blah blah, nothing much really happened untill when i was going home, when i was crossing the road(okok, i was jay-walking) i was talking to my friend who was at the other end of the road, so my head was turned backwards while i stand at the crib at the middle of the road. Just then i wanted to take a step foward to cross the road without seeing whats infront, assuming there was no cars. but it didnt happened, my brain told my legs to move but they didnt, only my head turned, just then, a motor-cycle zoomed past me......if i took that step forward, i would not be sitting here typing this.....man,......i was caught in a state of shocked for a while....i realised i chld have almost gt killed for smthingas simple as taking one step...OMG.....was i not meant to die?? im very sure i wanted to take tt step forward, but for some reason, i didnt...haah...fate i guess....it left me thinking tt life is so fragile, u can end up dying without yourself knowing at all....so..what if i took that step??wld i die??? if i did, wld i be remembered?? how wld i be remembered??? will ppl forget me??? All these tots came rushing to my head at tt instant i dun knoe y...hmmm...points to ponder i guess

Greating ppl , im back again, i just felt tt i shld make my thoughts known since i cant bring myself to say it to the people i tried talking to. Well due to recent events tt happened to some of the ppl around me, i realised how far i am away from the ppl that are around me, hmmm i gt these 2 ppl slipping into depression and i tried talking to them, and then i realised one thing, when i tired to console them, all the big talk and theories of life start blurting out of my mouth....now......it turned out useless and well, i felt fustrated. I realised that im still lacking in one thing, the human factor of me, i cannot relate to ppl.....maybe partly is because of my beliefs. To me tears are but signs of weakness of a human.....human are such weaklings, so prone to emtions......haha, now, ppl might me start cursing me now when they read this, (what the hell, u not human?) well yes i am.....Hmmmm despite me telling them so much things, they still stay down there, guessed theres nthing i can do expect only for themselves. I strongly belive tt everyone is responsible of themselves...haha ppl are cursing me now-----(bloody idiot, talk big only, u think you who, say me weak....stupid guy) well, tts all im saying for today, gt tired typing all these junk....:p alrite....bye..

well its been excatly 3 weeks after the finals and here i am finally penning (or typing) down my feelings down. Hmmmmmm.....wat can i say?.....it has been a great roller cosater ride for me really, remember the days when i was slogging out just to learn the basics of macework (guareenteed slowest learner ever of mankind history) to the high flying throws that wowed a stadium of 60,000....man.....the road had surely been long and difficult....come to think of it, how did i maange to go through it?? remember the scoldings, the encouragement members gave to one another....yes...it was still vivid in my mind!!! I remember always asking the members "are you tired???" haha and also the camps the break us and made us!!! The sounds of firebird, phantom still ring in my head everytime i wld go pass ping yi or see ping yians. Haha o ya, surely where gt so much gd memories? sure gt bad memories lk the backstabber united and tt TING which i prefer nt say it here (mr poh and sm majors wld surely knoe !!) haha.... On the faithful day of 3rd july, was the day i ended my career as the first springfield drum major of the combined band of ping yi and springfield....the end of a magical and wonderful chapter of my little life. Surely this title means nothing without the help of My boss (u knoe who) my majors especially Lisa (lao po!! hehe) and Shikin a.k.a super woman of band, kudos to geraldine and jasper too!!! Now of course tt adorable BM of pyss Joanna!!! hehe (niang) and so when medals and tropies turn to the remains of dust to the ground, what surely remains is the memories of tt particular chapter that come to be immortalisd in the hearts and minds of those we experienced it!!!!........and i say.....LONG LIVE THE TITANS!!!!!

Its been like a 1000 yrs since i updated my blog, kinda lk always didnt pop into my mind abt updating it untill just now while reading sm other people's blog, so here i am pening down my thoughts about the serveral erm....unpleasnt events that unfolded this past few weeks or days.....Lisa and sheryl came to me and to talked about the events that unfolded and i liked kinda aticipated it when they first said that wanna talked to me about some VERY important matters. And so it is, i havent been living my name as it should be and letting things affect my life VERY VERY VERY DRASTICALLY. I cld see in lisa's eyes tt major dissapointment she had in me and i feel...how would say....rather pain stricken. Not by tt dissapointment, but about myself. Im sure i nt only dissapointed her but to everyone who i have lead or led before out there especially to my mentor...he said i have already failed as a leader.....i have no comment to tt except to pick up where i have left my passion,my resolve and most importantly,to pick up myself. They said i have changed negatively alot and tt i do not deny and nothing can change the past but the future has yet to come, i know, i must, stop all things and once again live up to my name. And so here i am, typing tis for all to see, be it you know me well or not, this is my resolve that i will not, will not, will not go down any futhur and again to hold what it truely was and should have been it the first place. Everyone now knows my resolve, and my promise to those reading this now. And to my mentor, i know i have already failed you, and in ur heart, im not ur leader anymore. Its impossible for u to forgive me after what i have done dissapointing everyone, i did not live to my word. Im not expecting you to give me anymore chances anymore because the mistake was too grave but theres one ting i can assure you by that little honour i have left of me that i will live my life, my passion as before and end that TING. Maybe this promise might not hold its weight anymore since my integrtiy is already in question but i hope that u wld give things a thought again. Ok signing off now, my longest ting i ever typed other than my composition... man....

alrite hello ppl, got my exams back, failed 4 sub, dun wanna tok abt it..... well chinese O levels is on next monday, hope can compensate for my shitty results by doing well!!!!! Read my boss blog just now and got to knoe more on the word called trust....Man.....heartache for him ar......just hope tt i can do my best so as not to let him down for as others have!!! pledge my alligence to him!!! well i wanna thnx my niang(you know who u r) for putting a smile on my face this few days eh? hahaz alritez just wanna comment on e band prac on sat. well, lots of fun is missing partly because of we sec 4s!!!! also i hope tt zach can do well in his acadamic and leading, cause i gt high hopes of him even if he is a ping yian, i tink he can go very far, futher then most of us and edwin, he kinda dissapoint me a little when he kept toking about HER, tt will always be his weak spot and tt weak spot will also be his killer.

woke up at 11 tis morning feeling damm tired.... enjoyed yesterday but dunno y didnt have tt much of the fun everyone had.... wonder whats wrong wif me eh? well yesterday edwin got choosen as the DM of the band, its not tt i doubt his ability to lead the band, on the contray, i feel tt he will lead the band better than i did but i just have my reservations about him. We rose up together, but he fell before me. theres smthing i dun understand, am i really tt lousy a leader that i had to be trained from the scums of the earth?? or have i been leading a life trying to do all the right things tt if once i do smthing wrong, ppl starts to blame? dunnoe, but i guess theres how tings were? hiazz....cant be bothered anymore, just hope tt edwin will live up to tt expectations since trying to make him since hard. so at the end of the day, i dun tink i wanna tink abt it anymore and do my best it bringing the next miracle of the century!!!!

alrite im back with my 3rd update, was watching last samurai just now.....yea i knoe i have physic exam tommorow but who cares.....haha......well, i got rather inspired and motivated by that show again, man,.......l realised the spirit of the samurai was why i joined karate in the first place, but after awhile guessed i lost it, i tink its time to find it back!!!! the fury in which one execute his moves determines his spirit, of course lazy is another thing, haha. Heres my analysis on fighting spirit in martial arts. A complete attack is executed with the "KIA" (shout) and the move. The release the full potenial of your attack, one must use his KI. only then his spirit is intergrated into his punch ,kick or wadever, therefore releasing its maximum power!!! and so im gonna fail all my papers, dun even knoe wat the hell im writing on tt paper

man....today was a bad day for me.....damm sick man...i hate tt feeling...imagine u have a headache, running nose and flu while doing ur MATHS PAPER!!! kao, its shitty man!! came back home with a headache, after bathing, headed for the bed and slpt.....woke up and den slp again.....wondering how am i gonna pass my chem tomolo man. anywayz bands starts tis sat for the band, wonder if i wld get chased off if i go back huh? see lar, mr poh if u reading tis better tell me if can or not hor? haha, alrite i better get out of here, my headache is coming back...............ouch......ouch......arrrgrgggg

heres my first blog ever, i dont tink i can write everyday but will try though.....guess this is a outlet for people to know me better though......yesterday mr poh told me tt i tok too much lk a leader even when im outside band, therefore my peers in band dun really like me at all..... i guess that cant be helped to me. my ultimate goal is for people to see me as a leader insdie or outside band, everywhere i go.....haha guess all these came as a package for me when i chose this road of iron and steel (heartless and merciless)..... but no worries, now i have someone who appreciates me, unlike those people back in sch.....shant say who, haha......tomorrow's my maths exam yet im here typing this, haha, nvm, never liked maths.....July is the finals, going towards the direction of the mace of honour or better known as the best dum major award.... i have already achevied everything in band, being a drum major, gd playing standards(even though i nv touch the tuba for sm time!!), led the band to a gold, so i guess top drum major is my last acheivement as a student in band!!! own alot to my boss mr kenrick poh..... haha...... alrite end for today, shall write again soon.....