Today wasn’t a very good day to me. I almost got into a fight……. Those malay bastards was playing cards at me area and I kindly asked them to go to their place to continue playing. Bloody hell, they got the cheek to ask me to shut up and get lost. Man! I kept quiet and hold my temper and asked again. This time they ignore me. Too long have I gave way to them, ever since last year they were making fun of me for any stupid reason. Things that are not suppose to be funny they can make a joke out of it and get everyone to laugh with them. That is something I don’t understand, why do they keep picking on me?....... I gave them their way all this while was reason being I have a reputation to keep for the band as well as my own. But now, hack care!! I’ve stepped down, I’m graduating in 3 weeks time. Then of course I scolded back, those people hurled vulgar languages at me, God Dammit, I speak Hokkien you bloody son of a *****. I think what you people said, most of the time you don’t know the meaning! The argument intensified and in a fit of anger I threw the cards on the table away, and one of that idiots challenge me to a fight. Ha! Like as if he can win. I trained martial arts for years, I am fitter than him, stronger than him and I am so sure I can give him hell if he had lay a finger on me. Good thing his equally intellectual EQ challenged friends pulled him away, knowing I have a reputation in school and they will lose out in terms of favor with the discipline Dept if they touched me. Of course I am not stupid. Knowing I have this edge of having integrity in words I say, and also being as pissed at that time, I challenged him back, trying so hard to make him do the first move at me…. Man….remember the days in primary school where I fought so often with people like drinking tea, I had a notorious temper when I was in primary school, often offended people and getting into fights. Last time, I had little to care for, I was a nobody in school, who cares if I knock someone teeth out. But in secondary school, joined the band, had to control myself a lot. If there’s temper I must keep it in and then later let it all out when I go to my karate lessons. But today was the peak, im tired of giving way, tired on being the outcast of everything, tired of looking at that bloody faces of theirs. Maybe I was itching for a fight too, might also be my fault. But today I will remember as the day I almost gave hell to a bloody gangster . If the next time im not wearing my school uniform anymore and they provoke me again. I make sure I make them pay back on what they have done to me for the last 2 years in school.
But come to think again, maybe the reason I was picked on was that I’m always the outcast of things, the loner, the “extra” they might put it. Only Band member in class, also happen to be the Drum Major, The only male councilor in class too. Never joined at cliques of friends in class, never talked much to another one except when needed. Of course people will single me out and make fun of me. I like being alone, but people take advantage of that and oppress me by numbers. They think that I am the extra one when everyone are doing the same thing. So little people know how is it like to be alone. They don’t understand. No constrain, no need to think if anyone likes the things you do, you can go anywhere you want without the need to ask anyone about their opinions and all . I like this life. I was like that when I was in sec1, because I became a major in band, then I start to mix around. Now that band had ended, I am going back to my old self again, kind of missed it. Of course I did try to stay with my band people, but I felt that I got nothing in common to say to them, likewise, they would all talk among themselves. Even if I were to walk away just like that, they wouldn’t care a bit ( I tried it a few times). Maybe it was not meant to be. He who must do great things must not be tied down my emotions. Maybe that’s true. You joined band, gave all your life and time to band. At the end of it, when band is gone and you come out of that shell, you realize that anything around you has no purpose anymore. You are alone…..when you see your old bunch of friends sitting at a table talking, laughing, you want to join them, as you walk ahead you stopped in your tracks. You realized you were inconsequential. It didn’t matter If you were there or not, there were having fun all the same. Then you turn around and sit at one corner. Before you know it, school’s over and that’s the end of a day. Well, if that’s how life is to me, I am sure there will be a meaning behind it to which one day I shall unravel. Till then, maybe I should take things as they come and finish my Os. At least now I’m sure nobody read this…….But, its good, at least I feel better now, maybe I am still human after all!!

Alrite here I am again typing stuff down which I feel like doing, say, blogging is actually a good way of reliving your stress if you got no one to talk to. Of course, don’t start swearing and cursing at people cause that’s not very nice. Haha. Some people learnt that lesson the hard way ya?? Say just read people’s blog about love this, love that. Haha, somewhat I don’t really feel good when I see it or hear it. I don’t know, maybe feelings are something that I feel is weak, even love or sadness, missing someone, depression, all this I feel are what makes a person weak and vulnerable. Or course with the exception of happy of anger, cause this feelings are somewhat “hot” unlike the subtle feelings felt as said earlier. Every time I watch a touching movie or those charity shows where they make you feel all pitying, I would for some reason turn the channel away to something else. Maybe I dun like to feel that kind of feeling. My short stint of that “incident” during the june holidays were not a very much memorable one to me. Which further proves my personal dislike ness of such things happening. I hear people say, ‘why love is so hard?’ Why love is so painful?’ so on and so forth. For some, they give they sympathy to these people, but for me, I know it might offend many people but I despise these people, especially if they are of same age as me or older then me only by a little. Worse still, those kids who are younger than me. It is true that age do not determine the maturity factor for some, so I am commenting as in general here. If One thinks one is mature enough to comprehend the word “love” then by all means go ahead and use it, live it. If not then its my blessings to you. Haha I even wonder if anyone read all these!!!