Saturday, May 28, 2005

He doesn’t understand……I did not turn against him, but he took it on to himself. He doesn’t understand the amount of mental burden, stress that was placed on people he hit hard on. The sleepless nights, the strain. I guess he won’t understand because he had turned out to be a dictator, Yes a dictator. Why? Because nobody can hardly stand with him in line for long. Has it come to a time where only his words are the laws? Where what I say to a friend becomes my poison? Well apparently so. If what I said somewhat created the so called politics and divides, then am I right to say that the leaders he trained are not up to the task? Hiazz…..i guess the amount of service I mount, the effort I put in doesn’t weigh up to his consideration of it in the first place. Well, my effort has come to naught after 4 hard long years. A man who I thought was once near perfect does has flaws…flaws that he maybe doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit. I have saw a pattern now. The closer a person is to him, the more he will be ready to trash you without even thinking of your feelings. It happened to many. I guess its now my turn. I guess I wont be going back that active again. My brother once told me, never put in too much feelings into one thing, the more you put in, the more it hurts. If he says he is hurt, then I guess I’m more hurt than him a few hundred times. If he is expecting me to talk to him first, then I can only say its impossible, because I have been humiliated, torn apart by his actions this few weeks. It seems I cannot talk to band people as friends anymore, because it seems it will CREATE POLITICE AND DIVIDE. Maybe I see a new start in poly? Maybe….after all the past week had been an enjoyment to me. If he and the others cannot see things from my point of view. Then I will say no more to defend myself. And if he is reading this, I can only tell you that you will only be successful here and maybe else where, but it is no guarantee because your methods manipulate the mind of the people and the respect they have for you.